she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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