You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
