Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
