I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
