So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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