Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
