So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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