I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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