whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
