I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
