I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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