In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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