so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
