I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
