it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
