College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
