He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
