Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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