Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
