i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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