I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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