I'm really into asian looking animals
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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