we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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