So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
