yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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