I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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