Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
