Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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