what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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