I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
should my penis look like a turkey
porn star boner night. come get it.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
