Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
