her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
