After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
