meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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