Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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