I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
