glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
