Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
