I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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