his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Randomize
