You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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