You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
