oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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