we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I can't turn off my feet"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
