why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
if only i could text you this smell
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
