is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
