someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
