Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
