Don't make out with my wife yet
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
