Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
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