just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
