I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
