he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
We don't watch enough power rangers
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
