good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
she woke up with a sticky ear
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
