see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i will never coherently bang her
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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