If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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