My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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