No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I am full of burrito and curiosity
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
