dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
