The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
