I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
